Marriage Requirements, Procedures and Ceremonies FAQ

What you need to know and do to get married.

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Can anyone get married to anyone?

You must meet certain requirements in order to marry. These vary slightly from state to state, but often include:

  • being at least the age of consent (usually 18, though sometimes you may marry younger with your parents' consent)
  • not being too-closely related to your intended spouse
  • having sufficient mental capacity -- that is, you must understand what you are doing and what consequences your actions may have
  • being sober at the time of the marriage
  • not being married to anyone else
  • getting a blood test, and
  • obtaining a marriage license.
Marital Prohibitions
All states prohibit a person from marrying a sibling, half-sibling, parent, grandparent, great-grandparent, child, grandchild, great-grandchild, aunt, uncle, niece and nephew. Some states have additional prohibitions.

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Does any state yet recognize same-sex marriages?

No state yet recognizes same-sex marriages. In fact, some states have passed laws specifically barring same-sex marriages, and the number of states with such laws is increasing.

 

Despite this, there is some good news to report.  In 1999, the Vermont Supreme Court issued a landmark decision in the case of Baker v. State, 744 A.2d 864 (Vt. 1999). The court ruled that prohibiting same-sex marriage violated the Vermont constitution because it denied same-sex couples the rights granted to heterosexual couples. However, rather than order the government to issue marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples, the court left it up to the state legislature to remedy the situation.

 

In response to the court’s order in Baker v. State, the Vermont legislature passed a law creating a “civil union registration system.” Under this system, same-sex couples can register their partnership and receive all the benefits of state laws that apply to married couples.

 

It’s too soon to tell what effect the Vermont civil union law will have on the nation. The law allows couples that aren’t Vermont residents to register their civil unions in Vermont, but it is doubtful that other states will recognize their status. (However, two other states, California and Hawaii, have already passed comprehensive domestic partnership laws offering benefits similar to those available in Vermont.) Although the U.S. Constitution requires each state to give “full faith and credit” to the laws of other states -- for example, by recognizing marriages and divorces made across state lines -- the federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), passed in 1996, expressly undercuts the full faith and credit requirement in the case of same-sex marriages. That said, because the DOMA abridges the rights guaranteed by the U.S. Constitution, it seems ripe for a legal challenge.

 

In general, recent years have been marked by a rapid succession of victories and disappointments for those seeking to legalize same-sex marriage. The best we can tell you now is, “Stay tuned.” You can check the website of the Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund’s “Marriage Project” for the latest news: www.lambdalegal.org.

 

Benefits for Same-Sex Couples in California, Hawaii and Vermont

If you're a member of a same-sex couple living in one of these three states, you can take advantage of laws that allow you to register your partnership and receive many of the benefits granted to married couples.

California. To register a domestic partnership in California, visit the California Secretary of State website at www.ss.ca.gov. (Look under "Special Programs Information.")

Hawaii. To learn about registering your partnership in Hawaii (where it's called a "reciprocal beneficiary relationship"), visit the website of Hawaii’s Vital Records office at www.state.hi.us/doh/records/rbrfaq.htm.

Vermont. To read the official guide to Vermont's civil union law, go to www.sec.state.vt.us and click on "Publications."

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What's the difference between a "marriage license" and a "marriage certificate"?

A marriage license is a piece of paper that authorizes you to get married and a marriage certificate is a document that proves you are married.

Typically, couples obtain a marriage license, hold the wedding ceremony, and then have the person who performed the ceremony file a marriage certificate in the appropriate county office within a few days. (This may be the office of the county clerk, recorder or registrar, depending on where you live.) The married couple will be sent a certified copy of the marriage certificate within a few weeks after the marriage ceremony.

Most states require both spouses, along with the person who officiated and one or two witnesses, to sign the marriage certificate; often this is done just after the ceremony.

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Where can we get a marriage license?

Usually, you may apply for a marriage license at any county clerk's office in the state where you want to be married. (In some circumstances, you must apply in the county or town where you intend to be married -- this depends on state law.) You'll probably have to pay a small fee for your license, and you may also have to wait a few days before it is issued.

In some states, even after you get your license you'll have to wait a short period of time -- one to three days -- before you tie the knot. In special circumstances, this waiting period can usually be waived. If you wait too long, your license will expire. Licenses are good for 30 days to one year, depending on the state. If your license expires before you get married, you can apply for a new one.

How to Obtain Copies of a Marriage Certificate
If you find yourself needing a copy of a marriage certificate -- yours or someone else's -- it's not difficult to arrange. Visit the website of the National Center for Health Statistics at http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/howto/w2w/w2welcom.htm. Here you'll learn where in your state to write, call, fax or email for the documents you need. Be prepared to pay a small fee, often $5 to $10, for each copy you request.

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Are blood tests still required before marriage?

A handful of states still require blood tests for couples planning to marry. Most do not. Premarital blood tests check both partners for venereal disease or rubella (measles). The tests may also disclose the presence of genetic disorders such as sickle-cell anemia or Tay-Sachs disease. You will not be tested for HIV, but in some states, the person who tests you will provide you with information about HIV and AIDS. In most states, blood tests can be waived for people over 50 and for other reasons, including pregnancy or sterility.

If either partner tests positive for a venereal disease, what happens depends on the state where you are marrying. Some states may refuse to issue you a marriage license. Other states may allow you to marry as long as you both know that the disease is present.

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Who can perform a marriage ceremony?

Non-religious ceremonies -- called civil ceremonies -- must be performed by a judge, justice of the peace or court clerk who has legal authority to perform marriages, or by a person given temporary authority by a judge or court clerk to conduct a marriage ceremony. Religious ceremonies must be conducted by a clergy member (priest, minister or rabbi). Native American weddings may be performed by a tribal chief or by another official, as designated by the tribe.

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Are there requirements about what the ceremony must include?

Usually, no special words are required as long as the spouses acknowledge their intention to marry each other. Keeping that in mind, you can design whatever type of ceremony you desire.

It is customary to have witnesses to the marriage, although they are not required in all states.

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